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Farewell Live Journal! Aug. 8th, 2005 @ 03:36 pm
I decided that I'll be ridding myself of this horrid screen name once and for all. I'll be getting a new journal shortly and will have a whole new screen name and everything. I'm also considering getting a new AIM name as well... we'll see though. For those of you who are interested, give me a buzz and I'll send you a link to my new journal. FAREWELL jamazur journal, I knew thee well...

- Me
How I'm Doing: aggravatedaggravated

Farewell Live Journal! Aug. 8th, 2005 @ 03:36 pm
I decided that I'll be ridding myself of this horrid screen name once and for all. I'll be getting a new journal shortly and will have a whole new screen name and everything. I'm also considering getting a new AIM name as well... we'll see though. For those of you who are interested, give me a buzz and I'll send you a link to my new journal. FAIRWELL jamazur journal, I knew thee well...

- Me
How I'm Doing: aggravatedaggravated

I like copying Z.... Aug. 7th, 2005 @ 08:06 pm
Everything Pizza

Diverse and adaptable
You enjoy the full buffet of life
It's hard to you play favorites with friends... or flavors
There's very little that you dislike!

Your Daddy Is Darth Vader

What You Call Him: Pops
Why You Love Him: He knows best

How I'm Doing: amusedamused

Aug. 4th, 2005 @ 07:31 am
To make me feel better, click here. I need to apologize. Sometimes, I can be such a brat.

Holy Shit... Aug. 4th, 2005 @ 07:12 am
Literally *just* woke up. Holy shit.... I'm freaked.

Really, I'm freaking out. I just had two of the strangest dreams I think I've ever had. One of them was hilarious (will not mention it until I get permission from the people in it), and the other... well... HOLY CRAP.

I'm not going to say exsctly *what* it was (i'm too embarassed), but lets just say that if I told all the SAWS, they'd be proud of me, supposedly I'm naieve. Well this dream certainly changes things...

Just one question, anyone know any hot guys named George? Get them away from me.


PS. Take a look at my last post, I responded to my wallow/pity post. Boy I do need to stop feeling sorry for myself. I'm better now.
How I'm Doing: shockedutterly freaked out, AAH!
In my CD Player: Gladiator CD
Other entries
» More Good News...
Apparently I am doing absolutley nothing tomorrow. Although it will be my only day off this week, I now have no plans. If anyone's interested in doing something, gimmie a call. Wouldn't mind just having a nice lunch with someone :) If anyone has some spare time, just gimmie a buzz. Thanks!

- J
» My dog's licking my leg, does that mean she likes me?

Ugh, today was... awkward.

 Again, woke up at 4:30, went to work for a good 7 hours. It was nice, until I decided to be a moron (didn't take too long this morning). At the Y, we have the option of giving our memebrs a free 'fitness evaluation,' we have a few personal trainers that take the test, etc etc.... So I decided that this morning I should try it, and see where I am. Overall, I didn't get any surprises. Cardio test- exellent, bench test- very good, step test- exelent, blood pressure- exellent, heart recovery rate- exellent. Hell, I set a new record for doing the most sit ups within a minute. I wasn't really surprised. Only subject I received a "poor" in was flexibility, no brainer there. What concerned me the most was the set of numbers I received at the end of my test, this was in the BMI (body fat percentage) test. I had received a marking that I was not pleased with. Now, I'm not going to rant and rave about what I received, or even say what my fat percentage was, but I was concerned, and I continued to be a moron and worry about it. The trainer that gave me the evaluation was incredibly confused, maybe she didn't distinguish the difference between muscle and fat, maybe she was an idiot, maybe following just by the numbers is a bad idea, or maybe, maybe its just because of me. No, I'm not wallowing. I'm done with that whole thing by now. I'm just concerned, that's all.

Right after work, I decided to do something about it. In my blind fury and aggravation (because, lets face it, I work out 6 days a week, and weightlift 3 days), I decided to stop by a certain weight loss centre. I won't say what name, or what I exactly did, but nevertheless, I felt horrible. Physically, there's no way I can work out any harder than I'm doing. For example, yesterday I took my usual 60 minute spinning class, the day before I was on the eliptical for 70 minutes, hills non stop. The trainer was shocked when I told her how i've been working out, maybe i'm over-working it? Doubtful.

Well, if its not the working out, it has to be eating habits. Yet in all honesty, I haven't been eating much. Since I returned from camp (including the breakup with Matt), I barely get in the required calorie intake my body can handle. I'm not hungry though, and this is what I'm confused with. I *do* have a sporatic eating schedule (which could contribute 5% to this problem), but that's mostly because of my work schedule; get up at 4:30, have a coffee, get home, eat an apple, go to bed, etc etc. I *may* be starving mysef (again, doubtful), but in all honesty, I don't eat that much anymore.

OK. So what is it exactly? What is it that's screwing me over? Its not exercise, and its not food. Maybe Matt's suggestion was a good one, maybe I *should* chop my leg off, that'll take down the few pounds needed. Then I couldn't run, sooo... bad idea. It could be just numbers, which is what my dad yelled at me about.

"Don't believe in those numbers, yadda yadda, its a load of crap, if mom finds out she'll freak, etc etc"

Went on for a good 45 minutes. Oy.

So what is it exactly? Why am I not looking the way I want to? Why can't I look like everyone else? Maybe I'm starting to become un-healthy with my eating habits, but its my body anyway.

Again, I'm unable to hang out with my Tucson friends. Nothing new. They always like to make sure I can't go. I should just stop trying to get together with them, I know how to spot a real friend, not a phony. I have a sparse crew of them here in Tucson, again, not surprised. I miss the SAWs, they were always there for me. Still are too, I just wish I could take all 14 of them to Oregon with me. Friends like them can never be replaced.

Sorry for the angry post, I promise you there will be brighter ones awfully soon. I'm sure of it.

Feeling Un-Fit and Un-Loved,

- Me


» Here come those bad feelings.... get out of my head!
Not in the mood to write a whole lot. I'm so confuzzled.... haven't looked at any of Robin's posts regarding this weekend. Better take a look at 'em before he gets all antsy. My brain hurts, life is complex...


- Guess
» Its too friggin hot here..... gah
Okay, making a short, quick entry. I'm at the hotel, mostly relaxing after a nice 50 minute workout. Phew. Its insane, I can't imagine how I woke up at 4:30 yesterday and remained awake until 11:00pm. I don't know how I did it... but I love these new skills I received (all thanks to being a SAW). I can stay awake for over 13 hours. SWEET!

Work was fun, I was mostly just waiting to get out of there. I *really* wanted to come up here to PHX. Worked out, then I left with my dad. Its kind of like a mini 'road trip.' Its nice though, I got to spend some time with my dad, I don't think he's ready for me to leave college. Maybe he's in denial? Oy.. I *will* be leaving in 3 weeks, he needs to realize that soon. Yipes

Then, after yelling at Robin for a good hour and a half (he had some issues with actually finding the hotel), we got to hang out all night. I seem to have a thing for picking guys with no sense of direction... What the heck?

I finally realized that I am truly a "hick." We went to the mall and I swear... there were HUNDREDS of kids there, doing lord knows what. But there was this *huge* variety of kids, just swarming the mall. Maybe its because it was summer, or that it was a friday, *or* that it was 7:00pm... but holy crap, I have now seen what a mall looks like... Tucson malls are nothing.

We went to Chipotle, walked around a bit, yelled at Robin again for having no sense of direction, the usual. It was a great night, just what I've been needing since camp ended. I needed a reminder of what it feels like to care for someone and to be cared for in turn. I've been on this path before, and I needed to be refreshed on the emotional aspects one feels. Its a good feeling, I've missed it. There are so many things I have to figure out before I take things seriously again. I'm not ready for another serious relationship, and I've realized it. I'm going to live life, and whatever happens, happens. I'm ready, and I am willing to take risks. I don't care anymore :)

- Me
» Can't Wait!


 Today I got a day off of work. I like day offs... they're nice. Sadly, I have to get up at 4:30 and open again... so I can't be too hapy. Gotta pack for tomorrow, I don't know *what* I'm going to bring! Gah!

(making fun of Robins' xanga entry) I'll be leaving for PHX tomorrow morning/afternoon. I'll be up there till Sunday afternoon, so it'll be a nice break from everything. Plus, I get to see Robin, yay!! I'll get a chance to hangout with 'im, plus beat his behind at Soul Calibur... I play well when angered... mwahaha. Maybe I'll go get something else pierced up at Tempe as well, however, knowing Robin he'll probably have a concussion if I do anything like that. He was pretty darn close to collapsing last time... but I was flattered nontheless.  It'll be fun though, I plan on having fun. I need to. Sorry for making fun of you Robin, but come on, that one post was highly amusing. (Quote: "I get to go see her.blah blah, her, blah blah. etc,etc" You get the joke..)

My parents decided that I should stay at a hotel though, they don't feel its appropriate for me to be staying at their house. Even though it'll be 2-3 days, my Dad decided he'll come with me. No worries, its a good idea to stay at a hotel. Plus I get a mini fridge! Yay mini fridge! What a great weekend  I'll have!

  If anyone's read Andrew's LJ, you probably scratched your head at the mentioning of "Fasinations: Sensual and Erotic Store." Yeah yeah, we went there... He made me though, I swear! We passed it on the way to the Union, and I mentioned how I had never gone there... bad idea. Long story short, we visited the store for a good 3 minutes. And yes... I saw the wall of... erm..... toys..... now I know what they look like... yay. Plus, we saw and inflatable sheep, that was odd. Who in their right mind would have one of those? An inflatable man/woman, okay I get it... but a SHEEP? Come on..

Andrew bought 3 of them... (kidding). I also saw a candy bikini, that was funny. New experiences everyday.... guess I can cross off the "Adult Store" on my list.

Plus, we played some major DDR. We danced for what, maybe 2 and a half hours all together. We got to impress 30 guys (jocks), AND enjoy it! Andrew of course did some free-styling (*grumble* show off), but it was a nice relief to hear a bunch of sweaty guys shouting at us. Boys are funny.

 Nothing else to report, loosing lotsa weight already and boy am I happy. I think I'm done wallowing!

Boy was that fast! :) Can't wait for school, I'll have a blast.

Enjoying my summer,

- Me

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